Relationships and Your Goals....

So the first time I went "back to college," in 2003, I was married. How wonderful he was....supporting my plan to finish my degree. However, although the support was there, I still had to work 50 hours a week, take 6 classes, and come home and attempt to study with two small children and a husband in the military who was always gone. (The second income was nice, however.) Suffice to say, I was not on the Dean's List!

I'm not complaining though. He was supportive and tried to make things easy for me (doing some laundry, cooking dinner, picking up the kids from daycare). Totally different than my situation currently. Now...no husband, no second income, laundry waits on me, dinner is always my responsibility and no one supports my goals , but ME! (Except a few friends who can't believe I actually got into Purdue...Ha!)

There is someone special in my life, however. We've been on and off for over 3 years. The unfortunate part is that he lives in Tennessee and I live in Indiana. I had actually moved to Indiana, based in part on starting over (without him), but now we are attempting to generate a new relationship. My problem through this situation is the fact that I could easily move back to Tennessee and finish my degree (in less time, at that). We wouldn't have to endure this long distant "whatever this is" and I could get done is less time. So why don't I just drop it all and do it?

Well I'm a Alumni-snob and always looking at the long term. What's wrong with that? Looking at the folks I'll be graduating with and thinking...hmmmm, this will be beneficial some day. Obviously, I'll be able to do more with my Purdue education than Austin Peay education (in Tennessee and where I started my degree). The semi-boyfriend (it's complicated) seems rather proud when announcing why I live here and not there. "She's at Purdue University finishing her degree in Business." Oh, how he smiles. Feels good....right?

I'm a strong believer in finishing what I start, which has not been the case for the last few years. A lot in part because of him. I'm not saying it's completely his fault that I've accomplished nothing the past few years. I am to be held completely responsible for my lack of accomplishment. I just wanted to be there for him....24/7. However, I could be finished by now and I could have accomplished it while we were living in the same state.

Well why doesn't he move here? He's got a good job and should stay with it.

So the point I'm trying to make is that at this point in my life, no matter how difficult it is, I have to put my education before a relationship with a man. I'm ok with being alone for awhile. I will not change any part of my life, unless it benefits the kids and I. Does that sound selfish? Well good! I am selfish. Selfish in the sense that I have put all of my goals to the side for every relationship I've been in since I was 17. Time for some ME time.

I am geared to finish Purdue as quickly as possible...then probably University of Indiana for Law school. Probably not moving back to TN anytime soon....

So what if he proposes? Yeah, well I'll cross that bridge when it comes. The fact is, getting married would ruin my wonderful FINANCIAL AID status, but hey, that's me being selfish again. Oh, the little things....

Thanks for Reading.